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26 July 2010

Notes on St. Paul & Losing Myself # 1

When madness makes my mind turbulent, I surrender.  By now I should know how and live it unfailingly, but indeed, I do not.  Self centeredness, worry, fear, they take over my soul.  In these moments I seek God.  Maybe it occurs  so I am reminded to never rely on myself, or maybe I simply haven't mastered selflessness.  In this whirling mania, I lose control of all that is good.

In this helplessness, I recognize that I am unaware of everything around me.  Everything I know is trivial. I have no choice but to surrender to something more.  Here, I find Hope.  I recall this feeling of complete peace in my memory of George's battle with cancer.  I was helpless, clueless, and totally dependent on God.  I didn't know what to do; I didn't know what was next; but I knew that it was in the God of the Universe's control.  As moments of days played out with precision and gentleness, as my needs were met and my fears were vanquished, my trust grew exponentially.  I found the peace that passes understanding. Not my will, but His.

I am reflecting on St. Paul & the Brahmviharas - to remember how to lose myself.

My primary concern is that of the apostle - to help the poor.  In accepting and releasing self, I use the many aspects of who I am to relate to those in need.

Join the highest (God) and the lowest by the bond of charity (service in pure love).

I will let the Spirit do the work, in loving kindness (the first state of mind in the Brahmvihara)

I am content to be weak.

I will transcend self in contemplation of God.

Inwardly I will consider the things of God.
Outwardly I will carry the burdens of others.
Creating pure joy from love, the source and the action.

When I am unsure what to do, I will go within to the soul, contemplating God.

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