Meditation Chair

Meditation Chair

Gardening & Docking Saturday @ Peas Island

Jake's banana peppers

My zuchinni

Abbey's sidewalk art

Docking

Abbey's float

Full Moon @ The Battery

When I look up

Behind a live oak @ White Point Gardens

Full Time Living Part Time Work

I kayak through the marsh, training for the Folly Beach Challenge 2010 (Triathlon) in October.

http://www.ccprc.com/index.aspx?nid=1134

I'm looking for any sign of oil weaseling into my paradise. And then I shudder because I'll find what I'm looking for, I always do, but then what?

Keep in mind I'm paranoid, but I saw what I thought was an oily film on the still water of the marsh, and a few globs.  Then, I noticed 2 or 3 little blue crabs floating in that same mess.

In an unrelated observation a week later, 2 big blue crabs floating upside down by the dock (6/25/2010).

These could be normal occurrences.  I'm observing now.

The more I practice meditation, the more the fibers inside me ache when I think of the destructive nature of men and greed. My own destructive guilt is in the past, for if I had to face the harm I've inflicted on life, I couldn't look. In this moment though, life is.

I have faith in Nature's rehabilitative techniques. She will prevail.
My shell will not last, but I will.

Team JJAM Won The Urban Assault Race Charlotte

June 20, 2010

Nothing changes an outlook like victory!

Sunday, Father’s Day, a day both my children and I would like to sleep through, and instead we raced in a 25 mile urban assault of Charlotte NC on our bicycles and won the race. Jake, 7 years old, raced on a single speed 20” BMX bike. Abbey, John and I all had sufficient equipment, and many bikers commented on the aesthetics of my Electra Amsterdam, but no one saw us as competition. Neither did I really.

Saturday we packed the car and headed to Charlotte. We arrived at Brazzell’s bar for packet pickup about 15 minutes before it ended. There we made buttons, got backpacks and water bottles, and sent ourselves post cards. A fun detail of festival events is the free stuff. I’m very into Neoprene water bottles, recycling and creating less waste, so my favorite pick up in the free gear was the UAR water bottle. Jake seems to be a big fan of his pimp hat. Abbey wants my TShirt. I also grabbed a tube of Fat Tire chap stick every time I walked by that table.

I spent the rest of Saturday negotiating with Abbey and Jake. While I realized this was going to be very fun, I also knew that it would challenge my children’s physical and mental capabilities. At least once I said to Abbey that she would be rewarded greatly. I maybe promised her ice cream, a movie, and shopping if only she would compete with a good attitude. I of course knew that Abbey could do it and enjoy it, but it’s been a pattern in my house that if it’s something I want, no matter how much fun it is, Abbey and Jake complain about it the entire time. Ruiners is what I call them. In the end, they enjoy the event, kayaking with the dolphins, riding in some scenic location, hiking in the mountains to a waterfall, but they refuse to open their hearts to pure enjoyment. Finally at dinner Abbey said, “I’m just sayin… I’m actually looking forward to this, could you please stop.” The negotiating stopped, but I was not confident that good attitudes would follow us through this event.

Sunday morning, an early start. At 7 o’clock Jake and John donned their matching Mr. Blue Skyyyyy outfits, khaki cargo shorts and black dry fit shirts. Abbey and I, The Scene, decided against matching, and then when we saw the girls in the Wonder woman and Bat girl costumes at the event, we knew we had made the right choice. It was going to be 90+ degrees, so we went with tank tops and shorts.

Earlier in the week we received an email with clues and a quiz for start time leads. I took the quiz for both John & I and somehow, he got 2 points better than me on the test. So we took his stickers for our helmets and got a head start. Except we didn’t really. We waited for Bill & Kelly Platt and their family on their tandem bikes.

Bill and Kelly and their children  didn’t register until the last minute.   Only Bill and Mia registered as Planet Platt; Kelly rode with Mia (7) on a tandem and Bill carried their toddler Liam on his bike. Bill was going to be our fearless leader. And ultimately he did a good job jetting us around the city. But in the end when we won, I didn’t feel the least bit guilty about taking 1^st and 2^nd place while Platt planet was awarded third. I felt uncomfortable when Bill was trying to take extra prizes for his children at the sock table. I’m not really a rule follower, but I have respect for events like this.

The event took us around the outskirts of Charlotte to a number of physical and mental obstacles. We built a puzzle at the Common Market, we tossed newspapers at the Bike Source stop, we had a human bowling experience at Smelly Cat Coffee, with Abbey and Jake as the ball on a skate board, and we pushed them into the pins. We went down a water slide and swam a lap at Rays Splash Planet, in our clothes. John and Bill chased a man wearing an Afro and a Tutu around booty loop at Queens college, and we eventually caught him too. He said he liked my Electra. We played piggy back polo at the final common Market. And we found a bead at Abbey’s favorite statue in Charlotte at the Art museum. We raced bigwheels around a course and dove through a jump castle to the finish line. At the party Jake entered the mini bike limbo contest. Irony, only because one of his pre race complaints was he didn’t know if he could do this because he was very afraid of the mini bike limbo, what if he got hurt? He was the first person in line, and in the finals for the contest. My goal was to simply make it to all seven checkpoints in the allotted 3 hours.

While standing in the hot dog line, I heard my name called from the stage. Did he just say my name? Abbey came running from her rest position on the wall. “The Scene” he said; we won. As I walked to the stage, I was smiling, no, laughing, with giddiness. He kept calling names, Mr. Blueskyyyyy, Planet Platt. Now we were all laughing. We biked all over the city, had a great time, and won.

Once during the race, Bill’s son Liam, maybe 3 years old, said, Dad, look a comic book store, can we go there? Bill replied, no we are in a race. Later Mia, their 6 year old said, I have to pee. Bill asked, really bad, Mia replied, no not really bad. Bill said, hold it then, we’re in a race. The thing is, it never seemed like we were racing to me. It felt like we were riding, enjoying, competing with the ever approaching end time, but not racing.

After biking 25 miles, in the final event, while diving through a tube in a jump castle, I bent my thumb back and bruised it. Later while walking up the street to dinner, maybe slightly complaining about it, and also maybe mentioning that my legs felt like Jello and I didn’t know if I’d be able to make it to the movies, Jake gave me some of my own advice. It’s all in your head momma, if you think you can you will. Ouch. It’s working. They are listening.

Adventure Training - Team JJAM - Live Strong

Training regiment this weekend:

• Friday, 2 October 2009 - 2:15 - 3:05 - bike ride with John to the top of the Ravennel Bridge.
• Saturday, 2 October 2009 - early afternoon - kayak ride with kids (in tow at points) to the bend at Bowen's Island and back.
• Sunday, 3 October 2009 - early morning - 6 mile walk (leisurely for at least 4 miles) looking for shells on Morris Island.

This weekend my children decided our family motto would be live strong. It began after I had a mini-epiphany. Last weekend, I participated in the Folly Beach Triathlon, (only the biking portion - 8 miles on the beach) having only practiced 4 times. I worked a lot on focusing my mind. I chanted mantra's in my head like, "ride your race Melissa" and "focus, rhythm, pedal." I also thought my standard, "peace, love, joy" and I even added for cadence, "health." However, with at least 3 people my age whom I know personally battling breast cancer right now, and my brother battling colorectal cancer, I also started the chant, "Fight Cancer." The problem with that final mantra was that it assumes I have cancer to fight.

As I was hitting my speed bag, trying to keep my focus, chanting, I realized, I can't keep thinking fight cancer, or I'll be fighting. I want peace, love, and joy. So I started thinking about Lance Armstrong, and Live Strong, and I realized, yes, that is the difference, not fight hard, not destroy anything, but live, and live healthy and strong. So yes, I want that to be the motto for my children and me.

So Friday's bike ride was very fun with John, followed by a very delicious homemade organic pumpkin pie. Saturday's kayak ride could only be better. We were all getting ready, my children were excited, Abbey has even talked about training for the triathlon herself. They would be riding in their own kayak's and John and I would be paddling our matching stealthy and speedy Perception touring boats. We carried tow ropes just in case they couldn't make it.

On the way out the dock, Abbey noticed a school of stingrays feeding in the low tide pluff mud. I lured her away telling her this would not be the best thing we would see today, just the first. I think something about the stingrays in the same water that she was freaked her out, so the journey begins with Abbey saying she absolutely can not do this; she wants to go home. The trip continues with whining and complaining until it's end.

Jake paddles rambunctiously, every direction; we are headed into the wind, so we decide to attach him to us. He resents this, as he is perfectly content, so his whining begins, and also never ends. Dolphins are within 2 feet of his boat, but he's so consumed with getting unhooked he never sees them. I whisper loudly, trying to get his attention; he misses the live sea world display.

Despite the constant negative noise, the paddle is wonderful.

The kayak experience, sheer beauty coupled with constant complaining, plus the new motto Live Strong, equaled the need for a family meeting. These are our family goals:

1) live the best life we can possibly live

2) get a good education

3) be responsible for our stuff / own our actions

4) stay positive / treat everyone with kindness

5) give more than we take

6) work together / help each other

7) eat healthy

Where to Start

Last night Abbey didn't sleep. On the way home from shopping, I asked her if she knew her daddy was going to die when he did. She said, "yes, (brief pause) well no, I knew he was going to die, but I thought he was going to stay sick like he was for a long time, and we would just take care of him."

I asked her if she remembered the weekend before he died. She vaguely recalled. She knew where she was, at her Kiki's house. She knew Betsy picked her up. She told me they drove around a little when they got to Charleston. She remembered getting a Webkinz.  It was widely believed in our house that if we acquired enough Webkinz it would cure cancer. Then she met me in the driveway. I told her and Jake that they would be coming in the house to see their father, and this would probably be the last time they would speak to him alive. I told them they would spend the night with Betsy. Abbey said she remembered going in and trying to tell him goodbye, but it was like she was seeing a stranger, someone she didn't know. She told me she felt shy. She was the last person he spoke to. He said, "I love you too sweetheart," although it was fairly inaudible. Jake was afraid of him. His body, only a shell of the strong man he was merely four months earlier, decayed and hollow. Abbey recalled hospital people in the room, although I think she's mixing memories. We were alone, my two children and I, as I tried to help them find a way to say goodbye to their father.

Why did I ask her this last night?  My poor sweet child aches in her heart, and rather than remind her of the joy of her father, I encourage her to recall his death. She hasn't done much grieving. She still sees a therapist. Initially, she changed the subject, laughed inappropriately, but never, never cried.

I must write.  My genius has always been inopportune;  I'm doing this on my terms.